on being committed in relationship

I know this is going to be an interesting talk, mainly for it is started by a single woman who extremely tend to be pushed for marrying young.  I am turning 27 this year, hello! I should post this some months ago right during my birthday, however at the time I was just lazy to post anything. After all, I had no special celebration despite some friends who kindly surprised me with the cakes and gifts. Unfortunately at my age, when random people learned that I have not been married yet, the first thing they will tell me is that I should start searching or I am going to get older and no guy will be interested in me …. Well, I am writing this post eventually not for bragging or simply telling anyone that I am okay even tho I am unmarried since I have full time job and prospective career. No. By this writing, I am just curious about the fact found in reality about marriage. Am I already old enough to be married? If I could meet such man who can be partnered with me and together could support each other on being better human beings, why not? I am open to such possibility!

on with whom

I actually met some men during my school break. Let me calculate first, I think they are all about five in total. Having introduced to five prospective single men in two months, okay, I think the numbers are not bad. Oh, and of all the five, exclude the men I’ve met fom dating apps. I realized from anyone point of views, I must be like a player. But anyway, all the fuss about turning from single to double makes me feel uneasy, not only because the excessive curiosity to they who’ve asked but also I feel this burden to explain the answers for I realized the answers would not be short. Whenever I am encountered with such questions, I will just answer them with brief practical words which make most of them stop pressing me.

Today, I guess, would be the day to explain one or two thoughts why I am still unmarried. Maybe men who accidentally reading this post will be frowned a little. Bear with me, this might give you a few insights on women at their late twenties. The first question usually asked is usually about why they are still being a single. If you are asking me, my answer is because I am not ready for being committed to relationship at the moment. Following question may be a little bit harder to answer, “if I am not ready, then when?” Surely I will be ready once I meet a person who I am ready to be living with for my entire life. Marriage is, after all, a no joke.

Now we are finally at the center of discussion on how to meet that specific person when there are eventually so many singles out there. Why is it that impossible to meet only one of billion people? I personally think that marriage needs to be thought very carefully. Some people believe that married would be a finish line, even a life-time goal. It is a pity that most of us believe on those misconception about marriage. Marrying your significant other for the rest of your life is also a part of growing processes. It is going to be a big disaster if they who are dating could not grasp the essence of relationships. They may spend a lot of time together without digging and finding out what information they are actually looking for. Dating or marrying someone is not only a series of fun time and making memories. These days, dating are not the only way to get to know the potential partner. I believe there are a lot more efficient process through simply having straight forward-mature talks!

The first step to get married is to meet the potential partner. Before finding one, it is important to define who you are looking for. I realize a person can not have all the qualities, but once you are defining your qualities, just never ignore that you must know yourself first of all the things. It is rather impossible to think if the love story of you and your S.O would be like a fairy tale. Your circles sometimes also define who you are going to be with.

The hard and quite confusing step is when you need to choose the person. It is confusing for I am a man and I tend to expect many. I once think hard on the types of man I am ready to be living with. As the increased experiences, my criteria are naturally shrinking in to a very small number. It is very personal and its secrecy depends on who I am talking with. To me, keeping criteria is necessary. To those who have partner already, never ever think that those things can only be applied to singles. A marriage is sacred and I believe it is not a toy to play with. However I never think it is going to be easy as well.  I wish anyone of you who read this do not become someone who rush marrying just anyone for the time is keep tickling and you are getting older day by day.

the life-time decision

Another thing is the decision to be married itself.  One day I read about decision making process and realize feelings can in fact be useful, especially in highly uncertain circumstances where further data gathering and analysis won’t sway you one way or another.  That is also very much relate-able to point out an example on decision making process about marry or not to marry. When our social circle and friends are mostly married and having a baby already, we tend to have the urge to marry as well. We will tend to think that marriage is a good idea because everyone is having it. It is a completely natural response, but it is dangerous if the person don’t really evaluate about what he/she really wants as well.

Before deciding on whether to trust the gut feel, it is always important to ask ourselves what do we want and how we want it. Don’t let ourselves trapped in the ‘Neighbor’s grass is greener-syndrome’. It is okay to have different life choice. Once we’ve decided to rely on our intuition to make a high-impact decision, don’t try to explain it or justify to others how we arrived at it. If we apply logic and data to gut feel, the more likely we are to put off a decision or make a worse one.

So, those are all what I thought. Maybe you will find them useful, or to the extreme opposite, you find me boring for thinking too much. Anything is fine. Whatever decision you choose, I hope it is good for your own self first. Of course the opinion I am writing on this post may not be applicable to some. And most of the times, standard theories about relationships are just so different and very much surprising. Just make a mental note that anything could be happened even though logically amd mentally you are prepared.

Photo by Gianpaolo La Paglia on Unsplash

Author: Lina Kariim

under my pen name, i write.

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