Quarantine readings

Lately has become strange weeks to me and everyone around me. I spent three weeks between Semarang and Magelang for I was about to check on the new asset my company plan to purchase and getting a semi locked down since it is much better to stay at the city rather than travelling back to back from Jakarta.

For some reasons I manage to find, again, comforts in reading. On a serious note, I enjoy reading but a few years back I am trying to change my reading habits into something more meaningful for not only myself. Usually I read for fun, sometimes I want to read for learning. I have break down the lists on my twitter but here I want to write a much simpler recommendation.

  1. The evolution of desire. I am actually reading this book which is about various research on human mating that had ever been published. The author outline the structured idea with the support of the already exist research so readers will grasp the messages he is pointing out. It starts with the women and men preferences. It is funny that somehow the common logic always wins, maybe because they simply  portrait the human raw natures LOL
  2. Girl, Woman, Other. This is a good novel and it raises timeless issues like how do feminist women have relations with men? How did women adapt over times or in a patriarchal world that was so massively believed. All the time, the construction of gender bias have become normal issues talk by women. People are growing over times, however, I do not understand why women in specific are still facing the same problems. With the beautiful narration written in a fiction form, this book is not only entertain me, but also remind me of the constantly same probs faced by women in society.
  3. Digital Minimalism. Again, this is a popular book which is suitable for people who want to reduce the use of social media. Or those who want lifestyles that don’t really often exposed to digitisation. the author himself is a professor in computer sciences so it should be pretty much describe the current circumstances well without adding unnecessary infos. Since I am not someone with an IT background, this book is quite giving me some inights I have never known before.

In the mean time, I am also considering reading the following books for the next two weeks:

  1. The age of surveillance capitalism. Briefly I got from reading its excerpt is this book maybe will answer why and how we readily give up our personal information for ‘simply’ the sake of business. In the end, our privacy must facilitate digital interaction and it also has capacity to change the economy.
  2. Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable. With all the fuss of COVID-19, I am reminded of the book that had been a part of my piling lists back then when I was still a freshman, which is, abour 10 years ago. Everyone always says that swans are always white. This is an undeniable fact based on hundreds of years experiences plus even maybe researches. When the Australian continent was discovered, people discovered the existence of black swans. It turns out that indeed there is very rarely a black swan, one in a million. This discovery illustrates how insular we are in our observations and the vulnerability of science. All that is needed to prove the theory of the all white swans, is only a black swan.

I should say, I don’t do WFH. There are some days I am still needed to go to office. Things won’t be too strict in term of the government policy it seems, so as long as there are some cracks and the potential of employees to keep going for works, there won’t be WFH for me LOL.  Only I take a mental note that I wouldn’t be able to meet my family for the time being.

FEATURED PICTURE IS NOT MINE

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Of all the many photos during graduation, I think this is the only acceptable taken photo. Since I am a natural awkward and a camera-shy, I prefer selfie for I don’t trust people to take my picture. I love the makeup, even though the price is considerably expensive for the only graduation ceremony. Anyhow I was very happy.

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It was sad that I didnt take proper family photos due to the heavy rain. Well I did have some, yet they were not as good as this one maybe for this scene has pink nuances and taken by a pro bahaha! Duh, this made me miss them already.

It is two exact months today since moving back to this placed I like calling it as home. Hasn’t been easy, this move and the entire paraphernalia it has brought along with it. Sometimes you need years of not learning and moments of unlearning to finally learn a few precious life lessons. It teaches you the hard way, they say. But I played along the hesitant student for the longest time who whined and brooded, waited and hoped, and gave and took many a second chance.

This has been my second such return in the last eight years of making a life, and yet the dichotomy of things have remained unchanged. I would still like to leave once again for the same kind of sticky situations and conceited hearts, and I would still once again come back to what is rightfully mine. Like these rolling hills and burnt-out meadows, and the endless stretch of smoky-blue skies singing in unison. Ever since a little girl, I have been a silent partaker of their quiet, rugged beauty and despite the brittleness of hearts and the exoticism of greener pastures, I sigh every time I pass by it.

Photo by Nitin Bhosale on Unsplash

Spotify wrapped 2019

Mumpung sedang booming Spotify Wrapped 2019, berikut ini kira-kira laporan tim data spotify tentang musik-musik yang dalam satu tahun belakangan ini paling sering saya dengar.

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Melihat laporan mereka, baru sadar kalau saya semakin menggandrungi K-POP kira-kira semenjak Juni 2019. Padahal selama ini saya jarang sekali dengerin K-POP kecuali K-POP jaman DBSK, Big Bang, dan Girls Generation. Sampai akhirnya, genre musik klasik dan folk yang biasanya menjadi urutan teratas genre favorit akhirnya tergeser oleh genre Pop. Saya juga sering bertanya-tanya sendiri kok saya bisa suka banget sih dengan KPOP, padahal dulunya gak suka-suka amat. Untungnya, pertanyaan saya tadi cukup terjawab semenjak tanpa sengaja nemu artikel Why So Many Former Emos Are Now K-Pop Fans. Menurut artikel, ada dua alasan yang menyebabkan fans-fans musik Emo kenapa akhirnya bisa sangat menyukai KPOP. Yang pertama ialah karena kedua genre sama-sama merupakan musik anti mainstream yang mana kitalah yang harus berinisiatif untuk mulai mendengar jika ingin mengenal musik mereka, namun di sisi lain memiliki basis komunitas fans yang kuat.  Yang kedua adalah karena kedua genre sama-sama menyuarakan emosi secara jujur. Ada masa-masa ketika Linkin Park menjadi begitu terkenal dengan lirik-lirik mereka yang menginspirasi dan mampu menyemangati remaja-remaja galau pada masanya. Kalau sekarang, coba deh cek salah satu lirik lagu BTS misalnya yang berjudul Not Today. Kedua lagu tersebut sama-sama memberikan semangat emosional yang tinggi.

Musik sebenarnya memegang peran penting dalam kehidupan saya. Sampai-sampai, saya beneran gak bisa kebayang kalau saya gak dengerin lagu tuh rasanya pasti ada yang kurang. Karena alasan itu juga sebabnya saya sering bertanya-tanya dalam hati kira-kira ada faktor individu seperti apa di dalam diri saya yang mungkin memengaruhi preferensi musik.

Iseng, saya nemu artikel soal preferensi dalam bermusik individu di sini. Menurut riset, orang seringkali bersikap defensif dengan mengatakan kalau selera musik tidak ada kaitannya dengan kepribadian seseorang. Alasan orang terkadang merasa defensif tentang selera mereka dalam musik mungkin terkait dengan seberapa banyak hubungannya dengan sikap dan kepribadian. Peneliti juga menyarankan kalau biasanya orang-orang akan mulai mendefinisikan kepribadian mereka berdasarkan genre musik yang sering didengar hanya sebagai sarana untuk menghubung-hubungkan dengan kepribadian orang lain. Misalnya saya yang senang dengan pop folk biasanya sering mengira-ngira kalau mereka yang menyukai genre musik yang sama dengan saya barangkali juga suka musik setipe berjudul X dan Y. Kalau memang orang-orang itu terbukti suka, saya langsung mengira-ngira tentang alasan mereka suka. Apakah sama seperti dengan alasan saya? Penelitian North tadi menunjukkan hubungan yang sering dilakukan orang-orang antara siapa mereka sebagai individu dan selera musik mereka.

Lanjut ya, uniknya lagi saya nemu beberapa peneliti yang mulai berani mengkategorikan tipe-tipe kepribadian seseorang berdasarkan genre musik yang didengar. Jadi kalau berdasarkan riset ini, ini, dan yang tadi, kira-kira gambaran kepribadian seseorang berdasarkan genre musik seperti di bawah ini.

  1. Pop: Katanya sih penyuka Pop dianggap sebagai pekerja keras dan memiliki harga diri yang tinggi. Peneliti juga menyarankan bahwa mereka cenderung kurang kreatif dan lebih gelisah
  2. Rap: Penggemar rap cenderung memiliki harga diri yang tinggi dan biasanya lebih outgoing.
  3. Country: lagu country sering berpusat pada cerita-cerita tentang patah hati. Uniknya orang yang condong menyukai genre ini dapat dikatakan lebih stabil secara emosional. Mereka juga cenderung lebih konservatif dan memiliki tingkat keterbukaan yang lebih rendah terhadap pengalaman.
  4. Heavy Metal: Berbeda dari anggapan banyak orang jika mereka yang menyukai Heavy Metal atau Rock adalah intens dan agresif, mereka sebenarnya cenderung lembut, cenderung mellow, dan memiliki elf-esteem yang rendah.
  5. Klasik: Musik klasik dikaitkan dengan sifat-sifat seperti rasa ingin tahu, nilai-nilai politik liberal, dan kecerdasan
  6. Jazz/Blues: Jazz adalah genre musik yang luas dan beragam, terdiri dari beberapa subgenre, dari Dixieland, swing, dan bebop, hingga modal, gratis, dan fusion. Ada juga konotasi sosial yang didefinisikan dengan jelas, atau stereotip, yang terkait dengan penggemar musik jazz: pendengar jazz diyakini kreatif, santai, dan introspektif.

Meskipun genre musik sebenarnya mewakili artis/musik yang kebanyakan dikenal, terkadang kita masih suka bingung sendiri kalau diminta untuk mengkategorikan genre. Misalnya, lagu-lagu yang dinyanyikan oleh Frank Sinatra dapat digolongkan ke dalam salah satu kategori seperti Populer, Vokal Pria, Band, Swing, Broadway, atau Jazz. Ada juga AC / DC dan Van Halen yang pernah dianggap sebagai Heavy Metal tetapi sekarang mulai dianggap sebagai Classic Rock. Mungkin ini juga yang menyebabkan pengukuran/penilaian kepribadian yang semata-mata didasarkan pada label genre akan cenderung vague sehingga dirasa tidak terlalu tepat.

Nah, menurut kalian setelah melihat musik yang belakangan saya dengar dan penjelasan singkat dari hasil studi mengenai kepribadian dan preferensi musik, saya memiliki tipe kepribadian yang seperti apa?

Photo by Malte Wingen on Unsplash

memory

How much memory is too much memory?

People tell me I remember too much, for too long. Some tell me I am a keeper of things past and precious. What I don’t tell them is that my blue whale of a heart knows no mediocrity. It’s an ancient machine that notices everything, every necessary and mundane detail, and bottles them up somewhere deep inside. The sooty, graffiti-stained walls of an old city; the mild, nervous tremble in the voice of a long-lost friend; mother’s palms smelling of ginger and garlic on Sunday afternoons — they’re all in there. It is a continuous work in progress, this filing of memory. When times change and along its flimsy tides so must the people, I like to pick morsels of memory from these archives and retrace them as they once were. Before life happened to them, much before the world had broken them at places they could not speak about, and way before remembering too much was considered outdated.

Picture is taken from here

on being committed in relationship

I know this is going to be an interesting talk, mainly for it is started by a single woman who extremely tend to be pushed for marrying young.  I am turning 27 this year, hello! I should post this some months ago right during my birthday, however at the time I was just lazy to post anything. After all, I had no special celebration despite some friends who kindly surprised me with the cakes and gifts. Unfortunately at my age, when random people learned that I have not been married yet, the first thing they will tell me is that I should start searching or I am going to get older and no guy will be interested in me …. Well, I am writing this post eventually not for bragging or simply telling anyone that I am okay even tho I am unmarried since I have full time job and prospective career. No. By this writing, I am just curious about the fact found in reality about marriage. Am I already old enough to be married? If I could meet such man who can be partnered with me and together could support each other on being better human beings, why not? I am open to such possibility!

on with whom

I actually met some men during my school break. Let me calculate first, I think they are all about five in total. Having introduced to five prospective single men in two months, okay, I think the numbers are not bad. Oh, and of all the five, exclude the men I’ve met fom dating apps. I realized from anyone point of views, I must be like a player. But anyway, all the fuss about turning from single to double makes me feel uneasy, not only because the excessive curiosity to they who’ve asked but also I feel this burden to explain the answers for I realized the answers would not be short. Whenever I am encountered with such questions, I will just answer them with brief practical words which make most of them stop pressing me.

Today, I guess, would be the day to explain one or two thoughts why I am still unmarried. Maybe men who accidentally reading this post will be frowned a little. Bear with me, this might give you a few insights on women at their late twenties. The first question usually asked is usually about why they are still being a single. If you are asking me, my answer is because I am not ready for being committed to relationship at the moment. Following question may be a little bit harder to answer, “if I am not ready, then when?” Surely I will be ready once I meet a person who I am ready to be living with for my entire life. A marriage is sacred and I believe it is not a toy to play with.

Now we are finally at the centre of discussion on how to meet that specific person when there are eventually so many singles out there. Why is it that impossible to meet only one of billion people? I personally think that marriage needs to be thought very carefully. Some people believe that married would be a finish line, even a life-time goal. It is a pity that most of us believe on those misconception about marriage. Marrying your significant other for the rest of your life is also a part of growing processes. It is going to be a big disaster if they who are dating could not grasp the essence of relationships. They may spend a lot of time together without digging and finding out what information they are actually looking for. Dating or marrying someone is not only a series of fun time and making memories. These days, dating are not the only way to get to know the potential partner. I believe there are a lot more efficient process through simply having straight forward-mature talks!

The first step to get married is to meet the potential partner. Before finding one, it is important to define who you are looking for. I realize a person can not have all the qualities, but once you are defining your qualities, just never ignore that you must know yourself first of all the things. It is rather impossible to think if the love story of you and your S.O would be like a fairy tale. Your circles sometimes also define who you are going to be with.

The hard and quite confusing step is when you need to choose the person. It is confusing for I am a man and I tend to expect many. I once think hard on the types of man I am ready to be living with. As the increased experiences, my criteria are naturally shrinking in to a very small number. It is very personal and its secrecy depends on who I am talking with. To me, keeping criteria is necessary. To those who have partner already, never ever think that those things can only be applied to singles. However I never think it is going to be easy as well.  I wish anyone of you who read this do not become someone who rush marrying just anyone for the time is keep tickling and you are getting older day by day.

the life-time decision

Another thing is the decision to be married itself.  One day I read about decision making process and realize feelings can in fact be useful, especially in highly uncertain circumstances where further data gathering and analysis won’t sway you one way or another.  That is also very much relate-able to point out an example on decision making process about marry or not to marry LOL. When our social circle and friends are mostly married and having a baby already, we tend to have the urge to marry as well. We will tend to think that marriage is a good idea because everyone is having it. It is a completely natural response, but it is dangerous if the person do not really evaluate about what he/she really wants as well.

Before deciding on whether to trust the gut feel, it is always important to ask ourselves what do we want and how we want it. Don’t let ourselves trapped in the ‘Neighbor’s grass is greener-syndrome’. It is okay to have different life choice. Once we’ve decided to rely on our intuition to make a high-impact decision, don’t try to explain it or justify to others how we arrived at it. If we apply logic and data to gut feel, the more likely we are to put off a decision or make a worse one.

So, those are all what I thought. Maybe you will find them useful, or to the extreme opposite, you find me boring for thinking too much. Anything is fine. Whatever decision you choose, I hope it is good for your own self first. Of course the opinion I am writing on this post may not be applicable to some. And most of the times, standard theories about relationships are just so different and very much surprising. Just make a mental note that anything could be happened even though logically amd mentally you are prepared.

Photo by Gianpaolo La Paglia on Unsplash