alive, so far

Ini adalah perjalanan untuk mengenal diri seseorang yang berlindung di balik nama Lina.

It is around 4 pm already. Instead of working, now I am betraying myself for I have this unnerved feeling which suddenly just come and strongly make me a bit discourage for whatever reasons. At least, as I was saying in my last post, I want to appreciate myself sometimes.

I have been so impressed with they who can make their life lighter and happier. Alas, I have been trying so hard to tackle down my own feelings these past weeks. Me being very anxious that next week I am going to start my last semester and still not sure about my thesis also contribute to this anxiety. However that is okay, I am perfectly understand that whatever paths I choose must help me to grow, so I never expect that my choices would be easy.

I am also having this unsettling senses whenever I have to socialize with people. I know this is not good, both for my career and for my own self sometimes. Anyway I am just born with it, and the fact that I still care on how people see me becomes a proof that there is this feeling that I want to be accepted, or should I say this is a sign to start building a new one? In the pasts, there were these times when I forced myself so hard only trying to be a part of group, which is in the end, I always lost. Even though I got what I want, I ruined my self.

But don’t worry. By writing this I learned something. I want to wide my own circles and learn more from new people. I understand, a part of me being socially anxious is indeed one of the many weakness I have. However I realize, because I know they are my weakness, it is also my wole to overcome them. After all, only the one that has the same frequency can be synced.

Photo by Mikael Kristenson on Unsplash

keluarga

Ada satu kenyataan agak pahit yang baru kusadari ketika aku sudah dewasa. Lebih tepatnya ialah ketika waktuku kini menjadi lebih terbagi, antara harus menolong diri sendiri dan tetap menjaga kedekatan dengan keluargaku tersayang.

Friends come and go, but family is forever

Sejauh ini, pepatah di atas masih sangat berlaku untukku. Meski sudah menginjak usia hampir 30 tahun pun, aku tetap seorang anak dari ayah dan ibu serta kakak bagi kedua adikku (Ssstt, aku sengaja menua-nuakan sedikit usia, karena toh aku bakalan, insyaallah, mencapai usia 30). Sehari-hari aku memang harus bekerja untuk bertahan hidup di Jakarta. Meskipun demikian, aku senang dengan apa yang aku kerjakan, senang juga dengan dampak yang dapat selalu aku berikan dari jerih payahku. Memang sering juga aku mengeluh, tapi keluhanku hanya superfisial.

Hal terbaik bagiku saat ini adalah setiap kali aku pulang ke rumah. Saat kami sekeluarga dapat kembali berkumpul meskipun tidak banyak kata yang diucapkan satu sama lain. Melihat kehadiran mereka yang ada di depan mata saja membuat hati ini terasa begitu hangat, Inginnya sih, aku dan seluruh indraku ini dapat merekam dengan sangat sempurna mengenai apa yang ada di sekitarku saat itu. Aku merasa utuh dengan hanya hadir di antara mereka semua. Kalau disuruh memilih ingin liburan ke mana, untuk saat ini, bersama mereka saja sudah membuatku cukup. Aku memang sedang merencanakan liburan, tapi inginnya sih liburan di saat kita satu keluarga tidak sedang berkumpul.

Mungkin ini ya yang namanya, ‘apapun jadwalnya, keluarga tetap nomer satu!’ Biasanya yang seperti ini sulit sekali dipahami oleh mereka yang rasa memiliki di antara keluarga tidak begitu utuh. Aku juga baru menyadari kalau kedekatan keluargaku tergolong yang sempurna hanya beberapa tahun belakangan. Semenjak itu, aku ingin semakin menjaga dan melindungi hubungan ini sebaik yang aku bisa.

Tapi tentu saja aku sadar banget kalau dunia tidak bekerja seperti itu. Aku sadar jika aku tetap harus bersosialisasi di masyarakat. Untuk orang yang cenderung diam, sebenarnya aku punya porsi yang cukup besar untuk bersosialisasi. Kegiatanku selain bekerja terbilang cukup menguras tenaga. Aku sadar sosialisasi ini sebagai salah satu kunci untuk bertahan hidup di belantara Jakarta yang katanya cukup keras ini. Wkwk. Jika memang dikata cukup keras, ingin juga sih rasanya mengapresiasi diri karena sejauh ini dapat menjalaninya dengan baik selama kurang lebih tujuh tahun.

PHOTO BY GERMANE JAWS ON UNSPLASH

on reflection

Dear readers,

I am an introvert. I do not talk a lot, nor reveal myself just to anyone. Most of the times, I am juggling between the rights and the wrongs, about the decisions I have made, about my attitude in responding to certain situations, about the prejudice I have given to someone I am working and interacting with, and many more. I know that even as a being I have damages for I think I have made so many mistakes, moreover some of them are consciously done.

Long time ago, there is this quite painful word that someone had ever said to me and sadly, it affected me that much. I even could not even stop remembering the twinged feelings I experienced. The word is rusak–broken. I was agreeing to that someone said, even though that specific person was actually never knew me that deep, never he/she became someone so important to me like a family for being friendly did not mean I was allowing he/she to be a part of me.

There are times when I was so consumed by what society think. But then again, there are the more times I think and reflect, that the hurt may mean something,  signaling paths that I have chose so my mind will grow. It takes time to finally I realize that I am not an inanimate object, yet a living being. I do have so many shortcomings, weakness and other things which I could learn for my own goodness. And the most important part is, again, I am a living being so the word ‘broken’ is never for me.

That pretty much realization happens only after I was getting hurt.

This makes me wondering why during Ramadan, a holy month of Islam, people are easier to conduct good deeds such going to pray in Mosque on time, saving more money to give to those in needs, even willing to do Tarawih–evening prayers in congregation for a full month. However in the same time, for 30 full days during the day we are fasting. Could anyone guarantee that we will do the pretty much same thing even though we are not fasting? or are we only calculation beings who are doing good deeds only at certain months? The answers, to me, are on how we are used to pleasure ourselves. To be spiritually strong, ones need to be ready with travelling thorny paths, to not easily hate someone disagreed from us.

Now, why we should make time for reflection even if we hate doing it. The above examples may be too personal and seemingly cannot be generalized. I am moving my topic about reflection on professional levels.

Working in a corporate, I realize that with the hustle and bustle of the works makes me less to reflect about my own self. Thus, I sometimes need one medium to accommodate me reflecting in more visible and comfortable way. Expressing myself naturally not only becomes a catharsis to relinquish the hidden emotion accumulated through anxieties and tensions, but also becomes reflection I could see as a third person reading complex feelings which often have been poured out in a messy way. Reflection is about careful thought so the most useful reflection will involve conscious consideration and analysis of beliefs and actions in order to learn.

There is this interesting research that employees who manage their time to reflect for 15 minutes at the end of working day will performed 23% better after 10 days than those who don’t. As an introvert, reflection seems pretty much natural until I realize that there are actually not many people who understand the process. Chances are, maybe my families, my friends and even coworkers are way better at rating some parts of my personality that I am. Reality is this, I am the only person on Earth who have direct access of my every feeling, experience, and thoughts. The only person who know best about me should also be me.

As we actually may realize, the busiest person in company should be the C-level employees. One of CEO half jokingly said that his real job is answering 2000 email per day or the other spend for tons of meetings, meaning making time for only reflection will be a total waste. Being slow down when we are already getting busier will not even help productivity.  However now let us learn from great fortune 500 leaders about how they are making time for reflection to support their productivity. Many of those leaders, even though they are extremely busy, have set at least an hour a day during their entire career with activities classified deliberate learning. They are, from what this article said, often take into three forms like extensive reading, safeguarding time for reflection, and diligently experimenting for new stimulus and perspectives.

A daily self-reflection practice will improves leadership performance. Reflection requires honesty. Often times in social media, people are more eager to share positive sides of their working life, carefully not to mention the hardships behind those positive results. So to me, reflecting through social media, including blog, Twitter, Instagram, etc., is not for everyone.

I am now thinking and try to reshape reasons why people often times neglecting reflection. First, maybe they just never set aside their time only for reflecting. It is like setting a side for regular exercise, to become a great leader one should manage their time to reflect. Outside, we tend to look ourselves more desirable and capable to our surrounding so pretty naturally we tend to only show the positives of our daily life.

Bill Gates, Mark Zuckenberg, Warren Buffet and Oprah Winfrey have this 5-hour rule which also contains time to reflect. CEO of Linkedin, Jeff Weiner schedules his 2-hour time per day in order to think. He was saying that scheduling for nothing improves his productivity.

I, in other hand, usually take time for thinking and writing during my commute. It usually takes about 3-6 hours of commuting and either I spent my time for sleeping, I sometimes use the time during commute by reading, thinking, and writing. This turned out to be one of the most effective way to be productive. Based on research published by BBC here, there are more to do in commuting, so lest assure, even if reflection are not your forte, this articles will give you ideas on what to do in long commute.

Second, some of us must be scared of the reflection results. Being honest will help my decision-making, learning, and even communication to become more effective. The more I practice, the more it is to be easier. When I was getting hurt, there is this fact that deep down, I did not accept to be treated that certain way. Maybe my ego was hurt by those treatment, maybe I was in denial about some things, and etc. By setting aside who is the right and the wrong, I could slowly understand myself and the people treating me badly.

Denial has become one of the most destructive practices in leaderhsip. Reading at this article, it tells how Henry Ford, the owner of Ford Motor Company, was constantly at denial about one of Its Line Product, T Model. History already shows that the declining of company was affected by denial leadership. Through history, Ford believed that the company knew best about their customers even though there were clear statistics showing the declining number of T Model market share. In his vision, the declining numbers were just a manipulaion of his competitive company and even fired one of his top executives for against his ideas.

Third, they might still wonder the best way to reflect. I have told you before that I usually use my commute to reflect.  However, people are different. Beside doing it during my commute, I ask and talk about questions I have found to those who are capable at. This also becomes one alternative on reflection.

Think of the most possible way that we can be really honest on answering questions. Personally, I have this ‘honest moment’ everyday. The time are random, but me being honest is a must. No matter how hateful I am toward just anyone, how bad my attitude and decision, I will state it and some people may read or see them that really depends on when and how I am expressing it.

PHOTO BY ANDY K4øGL ON UNSPLASH

to grow old or to grow up

Dear readers,

Months ago, a friend of mine asked me if she wanted to introduce me to one of her single male friends. Actually I was a bit reluctant, but I tried to accept her good intentions by just agreeing to her polite requests. The person she was introducing was her classmate during her freshman which I, in the other hand, happened to be familiar with. Me and my friend actually took same Uni, even though different major. I am not sure if he has already know me though. Long story short, I was rejected. The reason is because he wants his soon-to-be-wife to be much younger than him. He does not tell this directly to me, but I know the reasons thanks to this friend of mine who seemingly very upset toward this guy’s reason.

Of all the many forms of discrimination, ageism seems less familiar even though in practice are many to be found. After all,  we are mostly familiar about discrimination toward different ethnicity, religion, race, etc. To be really really honest, I was shocked! It was shocking that the ageism I have experienced was felt precisely in terms of finding a partner, gaaaah! At first glance, anyone, just like my friend, could think he was so rude, but I can never be angry toward someone’s preferences. If someone get to be angry to me for I prefer K-Pop guys instead of Javanese guys, it surely should be me who get triggerd!! Anyway I think he was polite enough not to tell the truth (or not? anyone can correct my judgement?), he just showing me he was not interested anymore. Me, in the other hand, smart enough :p that I’ve caught the signs and quickly move on without getting a single hurt. Save. But no matter what excuses I have mentioned you might still not believe me and that still okay. This phenomenon clearly hits my nerve and thanks to that I get inspirations to write something.

As far as I experience, ageism are commonly found in workplaces such those considered too old are incapable to work faster or learn slower and those considered young must be inexperienced. These facts alone make me shudder and undeniably cause me uncomfortable since I am planning to stay productive even if I reach my 60s. Writing about this forces me to find the more phenomena of Ageism around me.

Now, what is ageism? I honestly do not really know where to start searching, but once during my school days, I remember that WHO has ever published stats about Healthy Aging. So I start to look first from WHO.

Ageism is the stereotyping, prejudice, and discrimination against people on the basis of their age. Ageism is widespread and an insidious practice which has harmful effects on the health of older adults. For older people, ageism is an everyday challenge. Overlooked for employment, restricted from social services and stereotyped in the media, ageism marginalizes and excludes older people in their communities.

– WHO

Unfortunately, WHO definition in term of ageism is not really representing the facts I am experiencing. The first time I experienced ageism is when I was the youngest student among my classmates. My friends usually call me with anak bawang- for I was the youngest so naturally not expected to help when we were playing baseball, or worse, they mostly did not want to include me on the team. We tend to naturalize that fact and forget if that is one form of ageism. The next two commom facts may be more admittable. I have worked in one of Indonesian’s old private companies where the elderly people never want to be lead by the younger. At glance, the requirements of some specific position mostly are restricted to someone age below 28 y.o, meaning they who are older are incapable to sign up for the job.

Not only in workplaces, ageism are also commonly found in education. In Indonesia, how many people are reluctant to pursue their education at an age considered ‘old’ by society? I do not have the data, but I saw how my mom used to say to my dad that he shouldn’t pursue his doctoral degree, instead think of their children’s education first lols When I skimmed scholarship requirements, I see that the maximum age someone could apply for the scholarship are about 30-35 y.o.

Ageism is a term firstly introduced by Robert Neil Butler to describe discrimination against seniors, and patterned on sexism and racism. Presumably from the beginning ageism was aimed at older people. However ageism recently also has been linked to anyone who’ve been treated unfair due to her/his age. Ageism experienced by younger people  is called reserve ageism.

Ageing population

No matter how old we are now, we must realize that aging population are growing. One proof of the success of development is the increase number of life expectancy, meaning there will be less number of premature death, which is naturally meaning there will be more elderly people living. It is said to be a premature death only if the death occurs before the average death in a certain population.

growing number of elderly

We are, in fact, currently facing the significant growing of elderly people, the fact is inversely proportional to the growth of young age which tends to be constant. It is perfectly okay to always talk about bonus demography, but never forget to think of the ageing population.

The percentage of the elderly population that has reached above seven percent shows that Indonesia has begun to enter the group of old structured countries wkwk seriously. The more developed one country, the more possibility of the people living there to stay productive. In Indonesia, the growing population means  the increase number of life dependency (In 2018, about 25%). We are now starting to familiar about sandwich generation. The culture may be changing, but no matter what the possibilities are, we should start cinsidering the possible supporting policies, facilities, or even access toward elderly people. Here I am talking about us as the prospective elderly, insya allah. Our government might start to replicate policies that have been appealed by WHO.

The best part, now we continue the data about the age of marriage. I just happen to know you must be waiting for this part most!

Since the idea of writing this topic comes from the experience before, I am now curious about the age of marriage in Indonesia. As a woman, am I too old to get married, or not?

If we are following the marriage trend in Indonesia, BPS said the trend of early-age marriage are increasing. By early-age means the age less than 17 years. The percentage were at 14,18% and 15,66% sequentially in 2017 and 2018. Now let me check from Susenas Data processed by Lembaga Demografi UI.  The data show trends of marriage age are increasing. In 2016 they are 23rd for women and 27th for men. However the data are still broad enough that they cannot yet be generalized since apparently there are vast differences between marriage trends in cities and villages.

Untitled.jpg

I am 27th turning 28th next year and living in city, so briefly I have already been above the average age of marriage. Next, let’s see the data now based on education level. This one is quite interesting 😉

tren usia kawin pertama.jpg

Based on the graph, the higher the education level, the higher the age of first marriage both applied for women and men. Interestingly the difference in age between women and men are not significant, meaning that my age is still in the normal age category of not married🤔. However, the declining trend of married age in highly educated women is also very interesting. Now I do wondering why that happens?

So, when is exactly the perfect age for marriage?

I cannot say surely. In general speaking, I can say it really depends on certain people even though according to this research, the perfect age of marriage should between the age of 28-32.

However I have my own opinion about this matter. By writing this I am not entirely against early-age marriage. In certain country, early-age marriage somehow is needed (Still, I wish both the groom and the bride were not too young and the education access were still open for them). In India, the last time I read early-age marriage are massively believed to prevent their daughters from being raped, correct me if I am wrong and the data were outdated!!! its night here and I am too tired to do the research, might update it later. However personally, I salute to those who brave enough to start a family in early age, anyhow, that choice followed by great responsibilities!

Early-age marriage which recently becomes hype is too simplistic considering the true meaning of marriage. Mentally, are they ready? Still remember the case of a celebrity who married at age of 18 with a Hafiz who is still 22, only yet lasts for 3 months? I am also against to those parents who neglect to look after their children. This might, again, sound boring, however, financial side must also be considered. I often hear the phrase that there is such a thing as rizky-sustenance after marriage. In my humble opinion, I will say there are always berkah-blessing for every good deed, not only about marriage. Just never simplify the fact that married life does not need financial support. The more prepared someone is, including his/her financial circumstances, the better he/she is.

Early-age marriage also ignores facts that women who have sex at an early age are more at risk for cervical cancer which also becomes the 2nd biggest caused of death for women in Indonesia. Moreover female’s reproductive organ under age of 20 are not ready to conceive and give birth which mostly leading to increased risks of maternal death. Lasts, marriage is about commitment. We need to ask ourselves if we are ready to be committed to live with someone maybe so different from us for ever! I do not want to criticize, but the divorce rate in Indonesia has increased.

In the past three years (2015-2017) the trend of divorce in Pengadilan Agama-Religious Courts throughout Indonesia has experienced an increase, data says, with reasons due to financial problems. The data explained that the divorce occurred at the age of marriage less than five years. Three cities with the highest divorce rates in Indonesia are Indramayu, Cimahi, and Cirebon.

On Self – Ageism

Lasts, ageism naturally causes us to start limiting ourselves once we reach a certain age which is commonly called self-ageism.

To be frankly speaking, my family worrying me still being unmarried is at the i-dont-give-a-damn level (I am so sorry, Dad, I know you are reading this but it is just the truth) I am writing this post eventually not for bragging or simply telling anyone that I am okay even though I am unmarried since I have full time job and prospective career. No.

Me and I believe, with the many women out there are constantly being asked to consider when it is about pursuing higher degree or jobs with prospective career path. Ageism at specifically women who are unmarried are quite common. I remember I have read somewhere that this tendency is not only happened in Indonesia, so not merely reason because we are living in Indonesia. If you ever know about Jane Austen’s works, we could see that the circumstances faced by women in her era pretty much same like in Indonesia.

Being able to be committed is good, although not everyone will experience an end which is considered pleasant by societies. Most of the time, people’s accusations are far more terrible than anything. At those specific time, just remember we must be confident and strong enough in our convictions. It is us who understand ourselves best after all. If not, start looking for the answers. They must be the process of us to grow.

Now enough talking about ageism in women. Besides, I believe men also experience pretty much same kinds of ageism about marriage even though maybe the pressure not as hard as the pressure exerted to women.

How could we live the life that age is only a number?

Just tried not to easily label someone based on their own age. In workplace, for instances, never assume young employee as someone who are inexperience. In the same time, as the young employee, never assume someone as old as our parents are slow in learning new things. There must be some specific cases, but that does not mean we can generalize them ^^, By associating ourselves more with older people we could learn their experiences, who knows that they might have interesting experiences when they were young. Hanging out with younger people will remind us how fun it is to be young, to be so eager to learn new things. To think our past experiences could be a help for certain people will ease our heart since sometimes the remorse of past that cannot be fixed can be healed by helping.

So back to my title on this blog posts, what it is to grow old and what it is to grow up, I will say that to me, growing old is a certainty and, in the same time, also a necessity. No matter how old we are, there are no barriers that prevent us from doing anything as long as we can and happy, moreover when they are good for our surrounding. I honestly have kept going back to this questioning childhood’s contemplation in order to learn a trick or two of unpredictable adulthood, to look for answers to riddles shaped of the life accumulated from the past until the unknown futures. Growing up is a choice which proofs of commitment to learn every single time without stopping. Our attitude toward lives are broaden. In my experiences, once we choose to grow up, we will be getting wiser. Growing up naturally helps to slow down the process of us growing old.

PHOTO BY LUKASZ SZMIGIEL ON UNSPLASH

on making peace with emotion

These past weeks, I have been sad. Maybe you already realized this-so-not cool emotion since I wrote about my grand father, however I could not even help but admit I was very shaken up. That is maybe the reason why I talked a lot. I talk a lot on my Twitter and Plurk and write a lot in this already dusty blog. Anyway, I do not intend to write about sadness to this point. By concluding what I was trying to do in these past weeks, I always find something to think and learn about leading to the realization of who I was and who I am.

1. I do not write for many times, both in this blog and in other places

I used to write, not only about the ramblings, but also about the many issues usually popped up during my every day living. I never limit myself to only certain issues, except I should say I am avoiding politics and religion-theme topics for they are unhealthy to my mental states. I read only the brief articles, or asked my friends who are so into those themes, then started figuring out which issues currently being mostly discussed.

This week I have three serious topics I am trying to write, yet still unfinished. The tendency to only research, yet a bit lazy when it comes about writing haunts me. Moreover, I have too many excuses not to write those topics for I have jobs and thesis as my current priorities. The two paradoxical thinking, both the genius of AND and the tyranny of OR, are two concepts of thinking which hold ourselves back from greater clarity in life.

It was firstly introduced by Jim Collins from the book he wrote titled Build to Last. This concept has already applied around various lines from psychology to business to science to philosophy and all the way back again. The tyranny of OR happened to those who is unwilling to embrace the paradox. To explain it simply, I will analogize this concept with the circumstances I am currently facing. I am a corporate employee, yet in the same time I am also a final-year student, meaning I have responsibilities I have to fulfill as both an employee and a student. The tyranny of OR is bringing the issues that for I have two responsibilities, it does not mean I must do my best to the two. It pushes me to believe that things must be either first fulfilling my responsibility as an employee or a student, not both. As long as I am not able to live with the two seemingly contradictory responsibilities in the same time, I  always believe that between the school and the work can not be simultaneously pursued. That being said, to solve my fear of cognitive dissonance is through the Genius of the AND. By that, my responsibility is then to find or create my own pace to satisfy both. That being said, I should not excuse not to write any blog posts since I have committed to be able to write regularly for my own sake.

2. I am lacking of inspiration

Since I started to update my blog posts regularly some weeks ago, I realize that I use same words for so many times. Even though I was quite diligent to write regularly for some days, these past days I felt very unmotivated, plus, I was also busy at my office since I will start my last term in less than two weeks.

Everyday I am haunted by reality that my thesis progress seems meaningless while in the same time I am pretty sure my school life will contribute to my daily level of busyness. The bad is that single fear is only one of the many I can not actually handle before finally I am ended up crying and feeling a bit useless. I was usually realized that me being scared only some hours after and naturally lessen my time to do some productive efforts. Anyhow, productive efforts are never enough. There is this wake up call that it has been quite long since the last time I do travelling. Meeting with great people and reading good books are way good to trigger such inspiration but there is something else by travelling.

A study I have ever read about travelling was published at Cornell University. We all are already knew that we are encouraged to spend money on experiences rather than material things. It is nice to have this already-known-knowledge confirmed. By the research, it was told that one of the enemy of happiness is adaptation, meaning if we purchase material things to make ourselves happy, then the happiness will never long lasts. Experiences, after all, a bigger part of ourselves than our own material goods.

Another reason is because shared experiences will connect us to more people. Feeling connected to a bigger part of societies never fail me. However being connected through experiences are much different through material things. Material things are easily comparable, between having the latest gadgets and the old ones, between the good hotels to stay and the budget ones, and etc. Experiences, however, are incomparable. People have their own way to believe, to think, to act, and to behave, thus the stories to each one would automatically different. The more experiences we have means the more stories and the more people to share with. Plus, it is hardly easier to judge people with different experience.

I am currently thinking to travel to India next year, or somewhere else, who knows. I am open to any possibilities.

3. I do not understand myself enough

Whenever I was hit by situation which makes me unable to think clearly, I always wonder if I could not understand myself enough. Emotion is mostly seen as a sign of weakness by the societies. There are many stories saying that they who could keep their emotion are deemed more as more mature than they who are not. Anyway, no one is immune to emotions, not me, not you, not even the prophets. The difference is maybe in how ones facing then embracing the overwhelmed emotions. Never embrace them meaning that we choose the slower, yet more painful method of torture.

So I talk a lot to myself, more than I talk to my family, my friends, and random strangers I met on and off line. However thanks to the constant emotional jump I am experiencing, I start writing again. Writing is a mean of assertive defense of self, mainly for those who experiencing social anxiety like me. By accepting, not avoiding the undesirable emotions, we will not end up losing on all the enlivening emotions. It helps me to consider if they are pushing me to helpful directions or vice versa. Beside, writing blog posts should be a medium to brain dance. I actually love that it is pretty exhilarating to be able to share my thoughts sequentially. 

PHOTO BY EBERHARD GROSSGASTEIGER ON UNSPLASH

a home

To the people I have been finding strength in, I hope you find your own peace.

I have a place to be called as home. Even though all the things in our life are only temporary, know that once you have bring someone ease and comfort when life is being unkind and far from gentle. Those times, you have naturally become someone else home, even though again, only temporary. You have already become a home to so many people without you really realizing it. More importantly, you are a home to yourself.

As I get older day by day, I become more mindful to the things matter most to me. I love my family and I somehow love my own self. I have learned to embrace both the bads and the goods in me. Some people do not have such privileges it shows. Loving yourself is an option one can choose. And even after making that choice, one should continuously learn how to tackle every corners and every baggage they have inside. Or the bombs thrown from outside.

If I might divide things in my life into three,  they might be the things which are necessary, important, and trivial. They are necessary only if my life would be absolutely  miserable without them. They become important for I can still survive, but having them making my life much better and wholesome. I am trying to avoid something trivial for without them I am perfectly not affected and okay without them. By then, I can be more focus on things which are necessary to my life and never waste my time on the trivial.

To me, family, closed friends and even myself are necessary.  I keep my closed relationship small, but I am open to any circles around me. I realize I sometimes become a home to somebody else in needs. I do not know when and how I have become a part of their homes but I feel blessed whenever I am able to give such care and kindness to just anyone. I undeniable become a home to my family, to the love and care people nourish around me. The most important thing is, I am a home to myself, to the passion and hard work I nurture, and also to the battles I might never win or never lost.